#makeovermonday / making over our marriage, one year at a time

the daily Starr makeover monday blog

In just two days, we’ll celebrate 14 years of being married.

How does that statement make me feel INCREDIBLY old?!?!? We cannot be this old. I’m just thankful for the sweet people who look shocked beyond belief when we tell them how many years we’ve been married.

Why yes, we were babies when we married. Obviously. Duh!!

Today’s #makeovermonday isn’t about a project in our home, although, in a round-about way, you could say it is. Our marriage is one of the foundations that impacts everything – our children, our everyday life, our business, our home, and more.

After God, it’s our marriage. Then, our children and family. Then, everything else.

Over 14 years, we’ve made our fair share of mistakes and had tough lessons learned. We’ve weathered unexpected storms of being parents who knew absolutely nothing about parenting, young adults who had no concept of money and spending, times of bitter non-communication and hurt, and figuring out on a trial-by-error basis how to own and manage a small business. Whew! What a ride these 14 years have been!! Oh, and for the record, we’re still figuring it out – just ask anyone on our team or in my family. BHAHAHA. They know the real deal of just how crazy and unorganized our life can be at any given moment. 

If there is one thing we’ve gotten right in 14 years – I would say it is this:

Our marriage takes work. Intentional work every single year. WE are important. 

Each year, without exception, we intentionally makeover our marriage.

What does that look like exactly?

For us, it means specifically setting aside time to get away together – just the two of us. Over the years this has varied and looked differently. There are years we stayed closer to home, years we had to delay our time away because of circumstances out of our control, years we had to get incredibly creative with our finances to save and make room for just a night or two away.

And it’s not just about getting away – it’s WHAT we do while we’re away.

So many times I hear other couples who travel with trips full of adventure and meeting new people and going going going 24/7. I get that! Believe me, we love adventurous travel too. BUT – guys – hear me out – all of that adventuring can be a distraction from investing in your marriage.

There is a time and a season for adventure.

There is a time and a season for intentional marriage makeovers.  

It’s kind of like what writers do when they need to get away to write and focus. We do that – but for our marriage!

We dream.
We read.
We sleep LATE. Oh, yes. We sure do.
We talk.
We don’t have an agenda.
We don’t take excursions.
We cry.
We laugh.
We plan.
We make goals.
We take notes.
We listen to each other.
We remember why we fell in love.
We eat dinner at 10pm. Just because.
We hold hands.
We look at the stars.
We linger a little longer and walk a little slower.
We enjoy the QUIET – all the praise hands…because our house is NEVER quiet!
We focus on US.

We don’t seek out other couples to spend time with. We don’t find the happening parties to fill our hours while away. We become loners. We become silly lovebirds again.

We seek out each other.

This isn’t easy and believe me, this takes work.

Our marriage makeover matters and makes us stronger for the year ahead. This has become a non-negotiable, and I truly pray it always will be.

I read this quote from Carl Sandburg on Ruth Soukup’s blog the other day and it immediately made me think of our time away:

“A man must find time for himself. Time is what we spend our lives with. If we are not careful we find others spending it for us… It is necessary now and then for a man to go away by himself and experience loneliness; to sit on a rock in the forest and to ask of himself, ‘Who am I, and where have I been, and where am I going?’… If one is not careful, one allows diversions to take up one’s time—the stuff of life.”

Yes, this is so true for each man.

And this is true for each marriage – if we are not careful, we will allow diversions to take up our time – the stuff of life.

We must find time for each other.

How about you? What have you found to be important in your marriage? I’d love to hear.

Starr signaturethe daily Starr encouragement for the day[photo source: Pinterest]

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5 comments

  1. This is so very true. We will celebrate 45 years in June. You need to know that the order of things is God, husband, kids. God will never leave us. When the kids are out of the home you and your husband are left. If you haven’t taken the time to go together, you will be living with a stranger! Take the time now and know the other better than yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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