Some days I feel as though I don’t measure up.
I fall short in so many ways –
as a mom
as a wife
as a writer
It’s easy to feel completely defeated. I had one of those mornings today. One of those days when I was running late, couldn’t get my act together and life was throwing curve ball after curve ball my way. My emotions were a basket case and I was running on fumes of exhaustion.
I showed up for prayer at church before service (15 min late) and fell to my knees at the altar.
My prayers started something like this –
“God, I’m so tired. I’m tired of trying and failing. I’m tired of not having myself together. I’m tired of being disorganized. I’m tired of running late. I’m tired of losing it with my kids. I’m tired of never being able to find anything in our house. I’m tired of never measuring up to my own expectations. I’m just tired, flat out tired, God. Help!”
As I sat telling God how tired I was and how life would be so much better if I could just figure out how to handle it all and have the perfect organized life…I realized maybe that wasn’t the answer.
Maybe the fact that I can’t measure up IS the point. Maybe this is exactly the place He’s brought me to at this point in my life.
Maybe living in imperfection and brokenness and failure helps me see my incredible need for a Savior.
After all, if I could do it all on my own, why would I need Jesus?
My prayers shifted at the altar this morning.
“You can have it all, Lord. Everything. My mess, my chaos, my imperfection. Here it is. I don’t have the answers, but I know YOU are what matters most. Help me see life and these problems differently. Help me know that it all matters and that there is a purpose to these difficult seasons. Help me respond differently. Help me change, one day at a time – to be more like You.”
And then this song played to finish out prayer time. I shared it a few weeks ago and I’m going to share it again. That’s OK.
Lord, you can have it all.
Every single part.
My home. My kids. My job. My dreams. My all.
Take this broken heart and make it Yours. Take this home that is sometimes chaos and make it Yours.
Therefore my beloved brother be steadfast, immovable always abounding in the work of the Lord knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. – 1 Corinthians 15:58
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