#1wordwednesday / what to do when your child is {DISHONEST}

the daily Starr blog Starr haigler 8

I despise when someone isn’t truthful. It’s kind of a big deal, right?

Obviously our oldest child hasn’t realized the significance of telling the truth yet. What in the world?? God must feel our family needs experience in dealing with a {DISHONEST} child.

Here’s how Wikipedia describes dishonesty:

Deliberately deceptive. Yep, that about covers it! HA!

A 9 year old knows the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie. So, why would mine choose to lie to me 3 different times in the past 7 days? It’s enough to make this mama feel like she’s miserably failing at raising tiny humans.

This past week has caused me to pause, step back and question everything I thought I knew about parenting.

Am I doing something wrong? Am I missing something here? Am I not living a life of integrity in front of her for her to know how important it is to tell the truth?

I want to trust my children and know that they value the truth as much as Brian and I do. I want my children to live a life of integrity, but the reality is this: I can’t do it for them.

God gives each of us the ability to make choices every day. We decide. My children get to decide.

So, how do you react when their choices aren’t the best?

I asked one of my go-to mama friends this afternoon how she handles dishonesty in her own little tribe of tiny humans. Her answers made me breathe a sigh of relief to know that we haven’t been totally off.

My biggest takeaway from her advice: take time to talk through these situations with your child.

Instead of flying off the handle and casting out discipline and consequences in the heat of the moment, really spend time helping your child understand what went wrong. Help them walk through the entire situation from the beginning to see how their choice had a consequence, but that their decision to be dishonest about their action brought about another level of consequences.

 

the daily Starr blog Starr haigler 6

Yes, there is a consequence for doing something against the rules. But, there is an additional consequence when you lie about what happened.

Sometimes that means waiting a bit to talk so that I can calm down myself. I get soooo aggravated, y’all. Just being real. 

More than anything, I don’t want to have my children shut down and shut me out. I want them to talk to us and let us help them through these hard seasons.

God, give me wisdom in my words and actions related to my children. Help me know what to say and do so that I help them understand this crazy adventure called life.

the daily Starr blog Starr haigler 5

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8 comments

  1. I really needed this today!! I just read this again for the second time and realize that it doesn’t just apply to our little ones, but the bigger ones we deal with on a regular basis as well. This is going to help me tremendously at work and dealing with every day life. Thank you for your words of wisdom ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, wow! Yes it surely can be for the big people too! It always helps me to pause, step back and try to understand and learn before making assumptions about what other people do! Thank you for reading, friend 🙂

      Like

  2. Oh I remember those days! I did not do so well as a parent with that either.
    Now as a grandparent, I would try to have them explain why they didn’t tell the truth and still let them know I love them , but there are consequences for their decisions. When they get out in the world there are consequences to their decisions also. Best to try and teach them in the home so that the world will not have to. Plus how about a family devotion that is fun and not pointing the finger, about being truthful. She will get the idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Starr, I can say this now, my kids are 20 and 24 remember they are tiny humans and they are learning to be bigger humans. God gave them to Adults because they have to be trained. They don’t have discernment. She didn’t do it to hurt you guys. She probably doesn’t really know why she did it. Deliver the consequence, love on her real good and move on. I promise there will come a day and you will hear those sweet words, “thank you mama for raising me to know what’s right.” I have!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What a great reminder that it is important to keep calm (unfortunately, i need this reminder every day). When I overreact, my children shut down and then everything falls apart. If I can manage to stay calm, things have a better chance of going smoothly. Thanks for sharing, Starr.

    Liked by 1 person

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