#thirstythursday / when you just don’t feel like being the nice one in an argument with your husband

the daily Starr thirsty thursday

Brian aggravated the snot out of me yesterday.

That doesn’t happen to anyone else ever, right?

When I get upset or mad, I’m usually the one that shuts down and I don’t want to talk for a while. I need time to calm down and I’d really rather go for a drive by myself, but that’s not always possible.

Yesterday, we happened to be on our way to grab dinner before choir practice. I got so aggravated that I decided I wasn’t hungry and watched Brian eat his food in silence. Isn’t that fun to do??? It was all I could do to not keep bringing up that thing that made me mad, but I knew that wouldn’t help matters at all and it was better for me to keep my mouth shut.

So we sat.

And he chewed his salad.

Finally I asked, “So, how was the rest of your day?”

To which he replied, “Fine.”

Ha! We were a bundle of joy at dinner, let me tell ya!

Choir practice came and went and I had time to settle down and get my mind off being aggravated. My mind went back to the words I heard just the day before from a group of wives in our Be Still Mama Bible study that took time to answer questions about what we struggle with in our marriages. Perfect timing.

One of the women talked about this wheel that we create when we see things differently than our spouses and argue. We want our way, they want their way and neither one of us wants to give in.

This wheel just keeps spinning as we both try to get our way and prove our point. I’m right, you’re wrong. And the wheel keeps spinning.

Sometimes one of us has to be the nicer (or bigger, much more mature and wise…aka ME) one and jump off the wheel to move on and put the differences behind you.

I know all of this.

But I was mad. I didn’t want to be the nice one.

Why does it have to be me???

I grabbed this little book last night which is one of my favorite resources of all times.


A great friend gave me this in college and it has lived up to the title – God’s answers for your daily needs – straight from the Bible!

I turned to the marriage section and after reading a ton of scriptures that made me feel amazing for being a godly wife (ha), this verse right here jumped off the page:


There in the middle of the page. Don’t be fooled that this is under the “How should a husband treat his wife?” section.

Ecclesiastes 9:9

Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you in this world. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil.

Live happily – yes, we are called to live together happily, not angrily.

Through all the meaningless days of life – did you catch that? Meaningless. Our days and all these petty things we argue about (even yesterday’s argument between Brian and myself), it’s all MEANINGLESS when it comes to eternity.

The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil.Β I am a reward y’all!! I’m that thing God has given Brian as a reward for all the crap he puts up with on this earth. All those tough days at the office, all that pressure of managing a team, all those tough decisions about what to do to best support our family – all that crap – yeah. He gets a reward for doing all that. ME!

Am I acting like his reward? Or am I acting more like part of the earthly toil (aka crap)?

I’m going to start acting and behaving more like a reward should act – even when I’m mad and don’t see things eye to eye with my man.

Fact is – I’ve been praying for wisdom for him and the decisions he has to make on a daily basis. When I’m not happy with how he handled a situation or a conversation, that isn’t my job to criticize and nag. We can have a discussion, but it needs to stop there. I have to trust that God is equipping him and answering our prayers for wisdom and guidance.


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Have you gotten stuck in the wheel lately in any of your relationships with others? Trying to prove your point will just make you spin round and round. Someone has to decide to step off the wheel and ask God to help change our perspective. Will it be you?


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6 replies to “#thirstythursday / when you just don’t feel like being the nice one in an argument with your husband

  1. Yep…this happens! Today I was about to have a meltdown and Mike decided to be my rock and help me through it. They can really make us mad but I sure don’t know what we would do without them! Having our nightly devotions and talks are definitely making us stronger!

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