Last week someone shared a post by Lisa-Jo Baker on motherhood.
I TOTALLY get this.
That’s me up and down.
I have such a crazy love for my children. And then I get utterly exhausted and want to scream most days.
Real life example of me messing up:
Kayla and Kylie argue 24-7. They’ve been together non-stop since Thursday afternoon and this makes the arguing 10x worse. By mid-day Saturday I was at the end of my patience. We were cleaning and preparing for company (which is ALWAYS stressful because I procrastinate until the last possible minute) and they could not just play and get along.
Kayla bosses. She bosses bad. I don’t even know where she gets that from.
At one point I told her she was annoying and making us all mad and was plain getting on my nerves. She needed to stop whatever it was that she was doing. I am guessing now I didn’t have a very good tone and didn’t think about the labels I was throwing onto my emotional 8 year old daughter, which I totally regret.
Side note: How many times lately have I called Kayla out for having a bad tone and not being nice with her words?? Ughhh. I hate that.
Fast forward to prayers last night. I was tending to Brock and didn’t go in to tuck them in. I heard faint crying, which I guessed was Kylie having her normal every day melt downs.
Brian came into the room and said those words a mom never wants to hear, “You probably need to go have a talk with Kayla.”
My heart dropped thinking it was some kind of “daughter needs her mom to talk about girl stuff” conversation and I’m NEVER prepared for those!!!!
Then he said something that broke my heart.
“Kayla said sometimes she feels like she doesn’t fit into our family. She said you told her she was annoying and makes everyone mad and gets on all of our nerves.”
Dagger. Into. The. Mama. Heart.
Y’all. I messed up. I messed up bad.
I ran into her room and wrapped my arms around my oldest daughter. I apologized and told her that no matter what, I’ll always love her and she’s always a part of our family.
I told her stories about her first birthday party and how I’d been thinking of that all night as we celebrated Brock. We did things for her party that we’ve never done again and they are such sweet memories from our very first baby.
She cried. I cried.
I asked her if Kylie ever gets on her nerves??
She said yes, of course.
And then I told her just like that – everyone in our family will get on our nerves at some point. That’s just part of being a family. But that never means we don’t love each other.
God put each one of us together for a very special reason and I’m pretty excited about that.
We cried some more, laughed and gave great big hugs.
I turned around and Kylie (who shares a room with Kayla and had been listening to the entire conversation) starts crying.
“Mommy, I think I’m going to be really sad and cry!”
Me – Kylie, what’s wrong??
“I miss my friend Matthew from school!”
Lord, let me be careful with my words. Help me to slow down and have tough conversations when I mess up. Give me the words in good times and bad. Help me learn to discipline in a way that pleases You and doesn’t tear down my children. Help them to see a mom that isn’t perfect, but loves in big ways through You.
Have you messed up lately with your kids or with a friend? It can be so hard to admit our faults. Go talk about it. Pray that God gives you a repentant heart and the right words to say to mend your relationships. This thing called life is hard. God, grant us grace for today.
In case you missed it – from the past week on the blog:
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The Daily Starr ~ Monroe, NC ~ email@example.com