#thirstythursday / 5 steps for calming yo’self down with the kids

I’m gonna be real and tell you that we’ve had a killer week with our kids.

We’ve yelled.
We’ve lost our tempers.
We’ve been beyond frustrated.
We’ve sent our kids to bed at 7:30pm (THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF OUR FAMILY)!!

What gives?? Oh maybe that our parents and friends spoiled the mess out of them while we went away for a few days on our anniversary??? Maybe.

Or maybe it’s the asthma medication that our girls are on to try and kick this wheezing and bronchitis that won’t leave us alone.

Or maybe we’re just struggling parents with wild kids that don’t like to behave and we’re learning as we go how to deal and make it through one day at a time.

Yep.

I mentioned on Sunday that I was focusing on staying calm this week. I’ve been praying for those of you that are working on your calmness too. How’s it going?

One area I’m having a true test in keeping my calm is with the kids.

For example: today we attended our 2nd classroom Christmas party of the afternoon (WHYYY are they ALLL on the same day????). I had to leave the 2nd party to go pick up the child from the 1st party who was actually attending her 2nd party of the day…(YES – there were 3 PARTIES today between 2 kids!!!).

Anyways, I had to get oldest child to gymnastics at the dance studio. Should we mention I’ve been late to the dance studio 3 out of 3 times this week?? I may or may not have talked myself into never letting my kids do anymore extracurricular activities as I sat in traffic.

Upon leaving the party, I got stuck in the school parking lot BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE PARKED EVERYWHERE. And I couldn’t move the bus around. Super frustrated.

I call Brian. Who would not answer his phone.

I just kept dialing. And hanging up. I mean really, he’s sitting inside the classroom with middle child at the party I just left and won’t answer his phone. ANSWER THE PHONE.

Finally he answers and middle child is on the verge of her 100th meltdown for the week. And I’m on the verge of yelling out the window of my car for people to come move their cars!!! #crazymomalert

As he’s trying to calm her down as to not lose it in front of the entire classroom full of parents, I’m just concerned with him getting out to the parking lot to help me move the bus so I can get to the dance studio – LATE AGAIN!!

Is that too much to ask?????? ((insert sarcasm here if you didn’t get that)

Side note: do you realize how much SUGAR these kids get at classroom parties?????? 🙂

Middle child now decides she wants to ride with me (insert pure joy) – and since I was aware that she was on the verge of her 100th meltdown, I snapped at her as soon as she opened the car door. I told her to hush before she could even get a word out.

She just wanted to tell me she sat on Santa’s lap at the party after I walked out.

Great move, mom.

Calm. Stay calm.

Easier said than done.

On this #thirstythursday I’m sharing 5 steps for calming yo’self down with the kids!

  

1 – Just stop talking

If you can’t give a gentle answer, stop talking. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

2 – Think before you speak

Declare that mommy or daddy needs time to think. Let them know that you are not happy with them at the moment and that it is better for you to think about your words instead of yelling and getting upset with them. Take 5 or 10 minutes. Even set the timer and ask them to go to their room or to give you a moment. Talk to yourself and get out all of those angry frustrations BEFORE you talk to the kids. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19

3 – Ask for help

If you’re struggling with staying calm with your kids, find someone to help. Find a friend that you can put on speed dial to talk you down in those crazy intense moments. Encourage the help of your spouse. Usually Brian and I try to help each other – one of us will try to calm the other down in the moment of pure frustration with our monsters…I mean kids. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4

4 – Talk through things with your kids

We can’t just get angry and shut down. We have to revisit the areas where we need to improve behaviors with our kids. And they are much more likely to understand and remember the conversation if we are calm ourselves instead of ranting and raving like a maniac about how they don’t listen. Have you ever found yourself going off on your kid because of how they have just behaved and realized that you’re no better in that same moment?? Ironic, huh.  “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

5 – Pray. Pray. Pray.

Earlier this year, I found myself curled up in the floor outside of my daughter’s bedroom crying out to Jesus for help. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t control her. She was angry and violent. I was pregnant and emotional. I didn’t have the ability to do anything more. All I knew to do in that moment was to sit and pray and ask Jesus to work in both of us. Sometimes, that’s all we can do. “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I pray that these words encourage you. I really needed to preach to myself tonight more than anything.

God, help me have a supernatural calming effect in my family and in my home. Give me the ability to choose words wisely and learn from mistakes. Teach me to be an example that I want my children to remember for the rest of their days. I need help with this every single day, Lord.

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10 replies to “#thirstythursday / 5 steps for calming yo’self down with the kids

  1. Let me say this first….I HATED it when people said this to me when my kids were younger but…it’s the truth. I promise you, you won’t even remember most of this in a few years and you’ll miss it. Not enough to want to go back but you’ll miss it (insert smile and chuckle). I used to think people were crazy but life does get so much more complicated. So… enjoy those babies but know that we’ve all been where you are and it’s ok to be human. After all…that’s what we are!!! I love the 5 things and they are oh so important but I also think it’s ok for our kids to see us wipe out sometimes. That’s life and they will need to know that it happens. Hang in there girl!!! You are not alone!!!

    1. Dale, this makes me smile. I JUST said to Brian the other night, “You know we really will miss this in just a few years?!?” It seems so hard in those moments, but then I have to remember that the good outweigh the bad all the time!!! And yes, our kids see us wipeout often. I’m learning that parents have to apologize for messing up too 🙂

  2. Starr, I do remember the days when you were in kindergarten and we could not agree on what you would wear. I remember going out to the car to wait on your dad to get you ready for school because I just could not deal with it any longer. I remember walking away and leaving you in the floor throwing a tantrum. I remember crying when I had to spank you, ( your dad said I didn’t do that enough!). I remember my tears when I raised my voice, knowing that I didn’t want to be that person. However, I did raise my two girls one at a time, I never had to deal with three at a time! This too shall pass. Your children are beautiful, inside and out. They will turn out OK and you will too. We’ll keep praying that God will take us past these tantrums sooner rather than later….. Love you!

  3. Absolutely amazing!! Could not have said it any better! I am beginning to have these battles everyday with both of mine! Some days I’m not sure how in the world I made it through….but I always do. This was so perfect for me right now. Thank you, thank you!!! 👐☺

    1. You’re so welcome, friend. Stay strong and know you are soooo not alone right now. These strong willed kids – one day they will make us all sooo proud and we’ll smile remembering the grief they put us through!!!

  4. I just want to say, you are doing a super job with your kids. I love all 3 of them. I spend time with the two older ones ( and even during a meltdown) they are great and have a heart for Jesus. That is super important!!! I am so glad that Jesus brought us together. I am sure when our kids are grown we will miss all the chaos, fights, and laughter. Put me on speed dial any time. Thanks for all these words of wisdom. We needed this after our disagreements with our oldest this week.

  5. OK Starr, I had three kids under 4 with our first 3. Can you imagine staying calm then? A newborn, one in diapers and one potty training at one point in their lives for example. We all survived. I either yelled at Michael about so many little things or totally kept it all bottled up. Thank God I’ve now learned to keep my mouth shut until I have some time to think. Once I get a chance I discuss things with Michael whether it has something to do with him or I just need to talk. I always feel so much better after I can tell him how I feel, what I’m thinking, and what I’m going through. Briton seems like a breeze now compared to then. The only issue with her is the big kids harassing her to death. Love you.

    1. Oh goodness, girl!!! What a perspective!!!! I can’t even imagine having three that little 🙂 yes, I’m sure one little seems totally doable now. Love you, friend.

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