Day 9: Excess, the demons in my closet

2 Days ago, I gave myself a challenge on Trash Out Tuesday: to minimize my clothing and shoes to 150 items by today.

Y’all.

I can’t even hardly type this.

As I stood in the middle of my closet this afternoon, my heart sank at the awful reality of my situation.

I have pulled out well over 300 items from my closet to donate. That is a huge success (and a lot of work, might I add!). The awful reality part: I still have well over 250 items remaining (even more if you count the t-shirts AND the “too skinny to wear” and “maybe I’ll have another baby” piles that I kept).

Holding onto my stuff is my comfort. At the same time holding onto my stuff is exhausting.

Brian walked into the closet on Tuesday night and said this, “I’m proud of you. I know that doing this will be much harder than praying for 40 days (we just finished a 40 day prayer challenge).”

He was so right.

What did I get myself into? I can’t shake that God isn’t through with me yet on this topic.

I haven’t met my goal and I’m not even near. I have some serious work to do still in my heart and with my stuff.

Tonight, I’m spending #thirstythursday in the Word searching for God. I need a fresh perspective on craving Him more than anything this world has to offer. And letting go.

Let’s look at the parable of the rich young man:

Matthew 19: 16-30

16 And behold, a man came up to him, saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” 17 And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.” 18 He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, 19 Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 20 The young man said to him, “All these I have kept. What do I still lack?” 21 Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 22 When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.


Just like this young man, I don’t have as much trouble with the big things: murder, cheating, stealing, lying, honoring my father and mother (welll….do you know my dad?? jk), loving my neighbors. Yes, all of those categories seem ok for the moment in my life.

God, what am I missing? What am I lacking to go deeper with You?

I feel like God is saying, “Starr, have you seen junk that fills every square inch of your drawers, your cabinets, your closets, the buckets lining your bonus room to capacity? Have you seen the fact that you can’t walk in your garage at the moment? Have you considered that you’re busting out of the seams in 3,200 sq feet for 4 people? Have you considered how many more people you could be helping? Have you lost yourself in the clutter? Have you settled for a life full of empty stuff? You could very well continue to live like this. But, I’m calling you to more. There’s so much more I have for you on this road. It’s time. Come, give up the stuff, and follow me on an amazing journey that is ahead!”

I feel like Jacob in so many ways right now:

Genesis 32: 22-29

22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

I’m wrestling my stuff. And I will not let it win. I want my blessing. I want to overcome.

As I moved more items out of the closet this afternoon, Pandora Radio started playing the song by Imagine Dragons – Demons. I’m totally not a fan of any song that talks about demons. But, today this song caught my attention as I stood and listened to the words:

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

 

pinterest imagine dragons demons

(photo source: Pinterest)

Where do your demons hide? This stuff in my closet will not be my kingdom come.

Jesus is stronger than any “demons” I may try to harbor – He’s already conquered them all. It’s up to us to let go and run as fast as we can into His arms.

I’m running. Want to run with me?

~Starr

2 comments

  1. You have made progress. This is super great! I am so proud of you friend! Keep praying and seeking, we know God has a plan. I am running towards him with you. I struggle so deeply with my emotions, not always in a good Godly way either….God is on the inside working on my outside. I am not who I used to be and neither are you! Thanks for always keeping it real! Love you!

    Like

    • Thank you, Melissa! Have you read Unglued? I went back and read a few pages last week and it made me think about you! Thank you for always being an encouragement to me!

      Like

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